If your child (or another adult-like person) asks, “Is it okay if I bring in a confetti blaster?” your choices are as follows:
A. “No, and don’t think about sneaking it in.”
C. Pretend you didn’t hear the question and steer the conversation to a new topic.
Obviously, the best answer is A. But if in a moment of, “Hey, that may be fun!” and you answer B, here is what you’ve signed yourself up for:
A confetti blaster holds strips of colorful paper, the total amount directly proportional to every worksheet, coloring page, research paper, mortgage documents, grocery list, to-do list, magazine insert, appliance instruction manual, telephone book, or other paper product you’ve touched in your life. Further, there are metallic squares of thin plastic which are basically giant pieces of glitter. After a loud boom, the sound similar to the rock blast from a construction site, the entire room will be filled to a depth of approximately four feet of confetti and glitter and the novelty of the pre-conceived “fun” will have vanished.
After a reasonable time so as not to appear like the grump who doesn’t want to have any fun subsides, you will have to start the clean-up process with a broom and dustpan. Not only does the sweeping action seem to send the tissue-light pieces of paper in motion, the very act of breathing has already sent paper and glitter to places in your home the light of day has not seen the light of day in at least a decade.
Once you get the majority of the paper gathered and out of the house, so begins the task of getting the strays. Except there will be no end in sight. Akin to plastic Easter grass, you will continue to find confetti and a random piece of glitter weeks after the celebratory event.
There’s nothing wrong with a colorful and fun way to celebrate a birthday, graduation, or other milestone. However, celebrating can be done in a neat and orderly fashion or at someone else’s house.
The confetti blaster in question was blasted on March 13, 2018. As of this writing, there are still pieces loose in the house. At least one surfaces daily.
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