Welcome, 2019

Welcome, 2019

2018 will forever be marked as a significant year.

High-Low Game

The highlight of the year all happened over the course of five days. The end result was when Son One married his longtime girlfriend. She’s occupied a special place in my heart longer than they’ve been together, so now that she is our daughter-in-love makes it extra special.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that Son Two graduated from high school. Thankfully, he and I have recovered. I’ve had kids in school since 1998, but those last six months nearly did me in. There have been negotiations between heads-of-state less tense than those last months of his senior year.

Looking Forward

I generally feel pretty blah when it comes to a new year. I don’t know why. For about three years, I’ve gone to bed early because watching the ball drop induced tears.

Once the holidays were over, I felt myself slipping into that familiar place. Then, a few days ago, I heard someone at work tell another, “If you aren’t comfortable with what you are seeing, then speak up. Do something about it.”

While thinking about talking points for a New Year’s Day post, I felt a revelation. Those words echoed in my head. Do something about it.

Making resolutions is something I gave up a long time ago. It felt like I’d make a list of two or three things I wanted to accomplish and then peter out somewhere along January 3rd. Why set myself up to fail, right?

I had been thinking about some goals I had for the coming year. (Goals aren’t the same as resolutions, right?) Having a new planner and a fresh set of pens will do that to a person. It’s exciting to have a fresh start. The slate is clean.

“I can’t because…”

I’ve been using those three words as a shield to give up rather than push through. I’ve missed so many opportunities to grow in both my personal and professional life. Taking a good look in the mirror, I acknowledge I don’t like what I see. I’m going to speak up. I’m going to do something about it.

Look out, 2019. It’s about to get real.

Mother’s Day: Hindsight

Mother’s Day: Hindsight

Ah, Mother’s Day.

Mother’s Day is not one of my favorite holidays. In the weeks and days leading up to it, I get a lot of anxiety. That anxiety leads to a lot of thoughts. Those thoughts lead me to take stock in all the things I’ve done wrong in the 25 years I’ve been a mom.

My husband, while a very sensitive man, tends to keep the day on the down-low. In the past, he’s (with the help if the chil’ren) made me things I treasure to this day. He “forces” me to sit and do what I wish for the day. He’ll either made dinner or take me out.  But Mother’s Day is also a reminder of losing his own mom with whom he was extremely close. To hear him tell it, she was a remarkable woman, and I wish I’d had the opportunity to meet her. So, a low-key day is probably the best idea.

Except it never fails that all my doing nothing on Sunday means I have extra things to do on Monday. But if that’s the worse thing I have to complain about, then I’m doing okay.

ducks-686098_640This year hit me hard. It’s the first year I’ve not cried at least once, which is progress considering prior years. But between my daughter in the middle of making a major life decision, my older son living “out of the country” in the words of the Army, and the youngest son days away from graduation, I felt sort of…bleh. I went and saw my mom for a bit, but she tends to be like me and doesn’t like “a fuss being made over her.” But other than that, I was alone all day. Even the animals were hiding in their respective corners.

I will always remember; however, this year was the year that the youngest signed his card to me, ‘Love.’ He’d quit doing that somewhere in middle school. Now that I recall, I did have a tear or two over that yesterday.

The few times I scrolled quit through social media, I saw a varying display of highs and lows.

At the very least, I know I’m not alone.